The Ceremony

Photo courtesy of PurpleFlor Photography.

I realize that our guests may like to know what exactly our ceremony consisted of, since I was barely able to whisper my vows loud enough for Andrew to hear them. So here's a transcription of our ceremony:

(Processional played by trio.)

Greeting by Rev. Morrison:

We come together this beautiful fall afternoon to share in the celebration of marriage of Andrew David Haberbosch and Eva Karene Romero. family and friends, we gather in faithfulness to offer our promise to be helpful and supportive of the commitment they make today. And we come to share in the joy of the way their friendship has deepened into a promise to spend their lives together.

Both families are here to give their blessing to this marriage. And friends have an important role in helping their love endure. Today we have this candle as a remembrance of Andrew's father David and stepfather Douglas who are here in spirit. Family and friends, give them your prayers, your words of encouragement, as we affirm our belief in love and commitment.

Questions of intention:

Do you, Andrew/Eva take Eva/Andrew to be the husband/wife of your days, to love and to cherish, to honor and to comfort, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship and in ease, to have and to hold from this day forth?

(We did.)

This marriage touches each one of us. A new family is established in our midst. Do you, who are family and friends, affirm your continuing support and love to Andrew and Eva as they grow and deepen in this marriage?

(They did.)

(Rupa and Chick signed the marriage certificate.)

Prayer:

God, you are creator of life and love, you have given Eva and Andrew the grace and gift of marriage. Be with them now in their life, and fill their days with wisdom and joy and abundant life. May the love these two have found grow in meaning and strength until its beauty is shown in a common devotion to all that is compassionate and life giving. May the spirit of your love help brighten the face of the earth. May the source of all love touch and bless us and grace our lives with color and courage. Amen.

Reading of "On Marriage" by Kahlil Gibran delivered by Rupa Shenoy.

Meditation:

This is a happy and holy moment, and your marriage will be the most sacred and treasured part of your lives. It is a celebration of all the mystery and wonder that deep love can bring to living. Andrew and Eva, you speak of having companionship and also respect for each others individuality. I ask you to remain loyal to these qualities. I remind you to re-choose each other every day. And I remind you of the responsibility of keeping alive this relationship: to maintain the capacity for wonder, for spontaneity, for humor. To remain flexible and warm and sensitive. Give fully to each other, show your real feelings to each other. Save time every day for each other. And as you grow in loving each other more fully, may you discover out of this love a love for all creation in which the mystery of your love has happened.

Vows:

In the name of God, I Eva/Andrew take you, Andrew/Eva to be my husband/wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow.

Presentation of Rings:

Your wedding rings serve as a symbol of the promise you have made to each other. It is the symbol of your hearts bound together. It is the finest of earth's metals, just as your love is the richest of spiritual values. AS this ring has no seam or edge, has no beginning or end, so it symbolizes your eternal love.

Ring Vows:

Eva: In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring, I thee wed.
Andrew: May it keep you ever in my heart and mind when we are absent from each other.
Andrew: In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring, I thee wed.
Eva: May it keep you ever in my heart and mind when we are absent from each other.

Announcement of Marriage:

Andrew and Eva, you have said your vows, you have given and recieved rings as the symbol of your love. We have all witnessed your commitment. You are now married, and you may kiss as husband and wife.

(We kissed.)

Blessing:

We rejoice with you in this deepening of your relationship. We joyfully and willingly promise to uphold you in your life together, with our friendship, love and prayers. Let your life together be a source of strength and inspiration to the community of your family and friends and the wider circle of the world.

I present to you Andrew and Eva, husband and wife!

The Food

Photo courtesy of PurpleFlor Photography.

Although we kept most elements simple, when it comes to food, Andrew and I both like some flare, some adventure, some drama, if you will. Here's our menu. Buen provecho!

Appetizers (pictured above)
- Red Chili Beef Tamales
- Goat cheese & cranberry croustini
- Roasted pork on polenta

Salad: Greens w/ queso fresco, grilled jicama, pomegranate seeds & prickly pear vinaigrette

Entrees:
- Roasted red pepper coulis & vegetable stuffed relleno w/ black bean cake
- Tortilla crusted chicken served w/Oaxaca rice and brocollini w/goat cheese cream sauce
- Sea bass w/chimichurri sauce served w/roasted Peruvian purple potatoes gratin & sauteed spinach w/red chili buerre blanc

The Bachelorette Party

My neighbors and awesome friends, Liz and Andrea, took it upon themselves to throw me a Bachelorette Party. They did a great job planning an elaborate event and keeping all the details completely quiet.

When I saw Andrea's front door dressed in a pink sheet masterfully folded like a gigantic vagina, I knew the party was going to be good fun. (Luckily, I didn't have to penetrate it to get in.)

From the penis-shaped cookies to the "erotic" posters - the ambiance was perfect. The scene was set for raunchy sex jokes - my favorite kind. After showering me with all kinds of gifts and margaritas, we went to IBT's. I hadn't been dancing at a club in forever.

Honestly, it was the best Bachelorette Party a girl could want. I'm still reeling from all the love...and my hangover.

The Derrida

Why do I include so many details in my wedding blog? Because I honestly wish someone as cool as me had posted a Tucson wedding blog so that I could've had some idea where to start!

But seriously, during my research, sometimes it seemed like the overwhelming majority of on-line wedding resources were out there just to capitalize on brides (and increasingly more grooms) through the wedding industry. But you can have an incredible wedding without everything they say you need!

What I'm really trying to stress here is that when I first started thinking about a wedding, I was worried it would be completely unaffordable, or impossible to get people to go along with because of our desires to break with tradition in certain ways. I just want to tell people that there are always alternatives, and provide examples for brides-to-be, who like myself, may want to imagine a wedding that's less like a television show or a bridal magazine and more like...well, real life.

I've been studying for a literary theory midterm. It turns out that this is the most Derrida post of my wedding blog. Derrida (pictured above, courtesy wpclipart.com) has a term called differance: the process of everything being present but absent. Every concept has it's opposite to which it is linked in our minds: hot/cold, young/old, fast/slow. So even when you are thinking of hot, you are recalling the concept of cold in the background because you only really know what hot is because you can compare it to cold.

So now, in order to illustrate how paired down we have actually been able to keep our wedding production, I am going to tell you what elements we left OUT:

1. About 240 guests. On one hand, I wish I could've invited everyone I know. The thing is, it's not practical. On the other hand, I'm pleased that we're going to have an intimate ceremony witnessed by a group of people who love us so well.

2. A wedding planner. Try a Word document!

3. A wedding party. No groomsmen, bridesmaids or attendants. I know this isn't for everyone, but it's the Paraguayan way.

4. A traditional bridal registry. We asked for help paying for the wedding instead, because a debt-free wedding is the best gift ever.

5. Paper invitations and RSVP cards. Welcome to the digital age.

6. Lingerie. No comment.

7. Florists. Paper flowers provided by Maira, Maisa, Andrea, Zule, Liz, and Lucy.

8. Certain accessories. No veil, tiara, gloves, etc. What is it the kids are saying these days? Oh right, KISS: "Keep It Simple, Stupid".

The Marriage License

"The nuclear family does not have a transcendent ennobling power. The fact that ideology and the ideology of marriage have developed in the West since the English revolution of the seventhenth century has something like a relationship to the rise of meritocratic individualism." - Gayatri Spivak

The law is that when you fill out the affidavit for marriage at the courthouse, they make the official State of Arizona Marriage Handbook available to you. It includes sections such as "Aggressive Confrontation", "Coping with Family Challenges", "Walking Rocky Roads", "Being Safe During a Violent Outburst" and "Ending a Marriage".

Perhaps because of it's foreboding table of contents, on page two it reads:

"This handbook supports your decision to get married!...Marriage is a crucial cornerstone of society. It should provide a lifetime of happiness...Marriage is a crucial cornerstone of society"

I didn't cite that wrong. It's really written that way.

The fact of the matter is, this society loves the institution of marriage, even despite the fact that the divorce rate in the U.S. is between 40% and 50%. Why was everyone so happy about our engagement and now, our wedding? My extended circle of friends and acquaintances never emailed me so promptly - not even when I got into grad school! Why is that even the State of Arizona, who doesn't know me or Andrew, is "supportive of our decision to marry"?

If "marriage is a crucial cornerstone of society", then is it a garnet, an emerald, or a cubic zirconium?

I guess I'm still thinking about what functionality marriage has in society at large. As for me, the only reason why I'm getting married is so that I can quote Roberta Flack to Andrew on October 27th: "Tonight, I celebrate my love for you."

The Hotels

This is a pic of Andrew's last drink as a bachelor. He's at the Tap Room at Hotel Congress (taken by Jose - PurpleFlor.com).

We decided to suggest Hotel Congress and the Marriott to our out of town guests. They both have great, central locations while Congress caters to young adults looking for historic character, nightlife and eclectic Tucson flavor (not sleep) and Marriott is better suited for people (with kids especially) seeking comfort, service and privacy.

Andrew and I booked a room at Congress for our wedding night. Turns out, that was also the night of Club Congress's huge annual Halloween party, which was also our post-wedding after hours party. No, we didn't get a prize for best costumes, but The Three Amigas were awesome.

The Cake

I really didn't care about the cake, but I still managed to go through four bakeries before choosing one. I think that speaks volumes of Maribelle Cakery (and also volumes of my neurotic perfectionism).

First we checked out a French bakery called La Baguette upon recommendation of Kate and Ray. At that point I didn't even know what chocolate ganache was and I was utterly confused by their cake selections. I couldn't handle it, so I put off the cake thing for a while.

After we watched a few cake specials on the Food Network, I recovered my valor and went back into the world of cakes. We went to Le Cave's because I had heard they do a great tres leches cake, but Pura Vida's was better (they are closed now). In Le Cave's defense, however, it is the home of the original vegetable glazed donut. I'm not sure what that means, but I do enjoy their donuts...mmm...donuts...

Thanks fo my friend and neighbor Liz, I went to Maribelle Cakery. What really won me over about Maribelle was that they do tastings right! You go in, sit down, they have several plates of samples that are clearly labeled. They make it easy. They leave you alone, you have some time to think and taste, read the brochure...and before you know it, the plates are clean. Just pay attention to which plate you cleaned first: there's your cake. Andrew and I knew we had to have more of the orange butter cake with strawberry cream cheese filling. To quote Maribelle: "Simplicity and elegance...a tasteful choice!"

For cake decoration we wanted to echo our general decorating theme, so each tier has multicolored papel picado done in icing, and is topped by a Dia de los Muertos bride and groom (that we bought at La Cucaracha de Tubac...We thought it would be a nice touch given the closeness of our wedding to Dia de los Muertos and Halloween.)